Bathroom Quotes For Lavatory Lovers

Take a moment to check out these hilarious and insightful bathroom quotes.

The word bathroom means different things to different people.

For some, a bathroom is a place of solitude, where they go to think for themselves, have alone time, or practice comedy routines.

For others, the bathroom is where they do their business and prepare for the day.

Regardless of your bathroom habits, using the bathroom is one thing that unites all of humanity.

Bathroom history goes back pretty far. There are bathroom records going back as early as 3000 B.C. from the Indus Valley Civilization, which is in modern-day Pakistan.

These technologically advanced ancient bathrooms were used both publicly and privately.

Back then, people believed water to be sacred, so bathrooms were used for the practical purpose of cleaning oneself.

They were also used for spiritual purposes as a purifying element for the body and soul.

Enjoy these bathroom quotes to keep your laughing and thinking.

Also, check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily wisdom. 

See the rest of our quote database for even more inspirational ideas and thoughts.

Marriage & Family Bathroom Quotes

You never really know someone until you share the same bathroom. Check out these quotes on sharing a bathroom.

1. “Marriage is two people in love standing in the same bathroom” – Austin Kleon

2. “The secret of marriage is: separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms.” – Bette Davis

3. “I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I’m often forced to read in the bathroom.” – Eoin Colfer

4. “Every time someone uses a bathroom and they flush, all the bacteria is shot into the air.” –Megan Fox

5. “I have been married for 58 years to the same woman. Our secret? Separate bathrooms.” –Larry Hagman

6. “There’s a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women.” – Leah Remini

7. “There were so many kids in my family, the only place I had any solace was in the bathroom.” – Linda Fiorentino

8. “We had a one bedroom, one bathroom, one closet apartment with four girls.” – Connie Sellecca

9. “My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother.” – Ronnie Spector

10. “I’m a leave-the-bathroom-door-open nudist, which is sometimes disconcerting for my friends.” – Alanis Morissette

Funny Bathroom Quotes

Bathroom quotes that will keep you laughing. Take a look below if you need something funny in your day.

11. “In a house where there are small children, the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.” – Robert Benchley

12. “I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel.” – Billy Wilder

13. “The paperless society is about as plausible as the paperless bathroom.” – Jesse Shera

14. “Always go to the bathroom before you go the bathroom.” – Craig Benzine

15. “I’m on a billboard in Times Square, but my bathroom is still dirty, and I have toothpaste on my face.” – Betty Gilpin

16. “A bathroom should be sterile and beautiful and functional. It should exude Japanese-style purity.” – Isaac Mizrahi

17. “What exactly did we learn in kindergarten? Okay, we learned that sometimes, by the time you get to the bathroom, it’s too late.” – Jessica Zafra

18. “The Sopranos’ is filled with really retrograde humor. Bathroom humor, falls, stupid puns, bad jokes – infantile, adolescent stuff, but it makes me laugh.” – David Chase

19. “Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It’s a pretty easy audience, and that’s been around for ages.” – Selma Blair

20. “I have got five minutes, some whip-its, and the key to the executive bathroom.” – Monica Denise Brown

Bathroom Quotes Sayings

Bathroom quote sayings that will leave you thinking. See what you think after reading the quotes below.

21. “I’m no interior decorator, but just I have a feeling that plastic plants in the bathroom… probably not a good idea.” – Kyan Douglas

22. “At Disneyland, you never go backstage – even when you’re in the bathroom.” – Hideo Kojima

23. “I can’t believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don’t feel like walking to the bathroom.” – Jen Lancaster

24. “Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.” – George V

25. “I’ve been flushed from the bathroom of your heart.” – Johnny Cash

26. “I got beat up sometimes in the girls’ bathroom.” – Becky G

27. “I had a hard time with bullying. I ate lunch in the bathroom.” – Julianne Hough

28. “I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone. My mother or a social worker always went with me.” – Natalie Wood

29. “My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising comedy routines.” –David Walliams

30. “A beautiful soap left in the guest bathroom, some fresh flowers by the bed, or a small gift of chocolates in their room will make anyone feel welcome.” – Tinsley Mortimer

Bathroom Quotes you could find on the Bathroom Stall

Let’s be honest. We have all read a funny or interesting item on a bathroom stall…

31. “Life is like a movie-since there aren’t any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of it.” – Garry Trudeau

32. “Use only things you find around the bathroom to create something. Extra credit: make it in the bathroom!” – Noah Scalin

33. “There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom.” –Kiefer Sutherland

34. “Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.” – Margaret Mead

35. “A country without bordellos is like a house without bathrooms.” – Marlene Dietrich

36. “We are a nation of 20 million bathrooms, with a humanist in every tub.” – Mary McCarthy

37. “I love to be in my bathroom with my candles lit, morning, noon and night. I like taking hot baths and hot showers, using my body scrubs and lotions.” – Traci Bingham

38. “I think you need to bring people down to Earth and be like, ‘Yeah, these people drink coffee and have tummy troubles and they go to the bathroom like anybody else, and they all have relationship problems, if they even have relationships.’” – Anna Chlumsky

39. “A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.” – Bill Cosby

40. “I wish I had a nickel for every song that I’ve left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about.” – Tommy Shaw

Bathroom Quotes For Instagram

These quotes would fit perfect with a picture. Take a look and think about which image you would use to post on Instagram.

41. “I was brought up in a tenement house in a working district. We didn’t even have a bathroom! We had a gaslight in the hallway and a black-and-white TV.” – Annie Lennox

42. “I have a little bit of an addiction to work. So I’m always hiding in the bathroom with my Blackberry to work when I’m on holiday.” – Penelope Cruz

43. “My wife was a make-up artist, and she’s a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out.” – Robert Carlyle

44. “I still get nervous on dates. I’ll be sitting at dinner with a guy and I have to excuse myself and go to the bathroom because I can’t breathe.” – Shannen Doherty

45. “The body is sort of a pain. It has to go to the bathroom. It has to be comfortable. But the spirit is indestructible. It can move at the speed of light.” – Robert Ballard

46. “I couldn’t fight, and I wasn’t particularly interested in the academic. So I started doing satiric bits in the school bathroom. Guys would cut class to come and see me.” – Freddie Prinze

47. “What conflicting ideas that we love and embrace these women, and entrust them to raise our children and to feed us and to bathe us, but we keep something as silly as a bathroom separate.” – Kathryn Stockett

48. “There are bathroom singers, but I am a bathroom painter. In other words, my art will stay inside the four walls of my house.” – Dimple Kapadia

49. “The only time it gets weird is which bathroom do I go into sometimes.” – EJ Johnson

50. “​​I was a ‘bathroom actor’ and people used to laugh at me, listening to my lofty aims and ambitions.” – Ashish Vidyarthi

Hopefully the bathroom quotes above left with with a few laughs and a few thoughts. We know that everyone uses bathrooms, but have they always been the same style?

Actually, bathrooms have evolved quite a bit since the days of ancient Pakistan.

In fact, surviving bathtubs date back to 1700 B.C. in Crete.

These baths in the palace of Knossos are incredibly similar to our modern-day bathtubs and toilets.

The plumbing and piping surrounding these ancient bathrooms resemble how we lay pipe and plumbing in our modern bathrooms.

Different cultures have varying bathing practices. Unfortunately, bathing was not a daily practice for many westerners until the 19th century.

For centuries, bathing was considered a public event made famous by Roman and Greek culture.

It was not until the spread of various global plagues that the use of public baths declined.

Bathhouses were notorious for spreading germs and viruses, so they became less popular.

The flush toilet was invented in 1596 but did not become popular until 1851.

What was your favorite bathroom quote? Let us know in the comments.